Title: Past and Present Confusion
Author: Misty V (mysticalweather)
Category: missing scene from Past and Present, angst, hurt/comfort, PRE-ship
Disclaimer: Not mine, blah, blah, don't sue me, blah, blah...
Author's Notes: Ok well, I had a *big* problem with Past and Present...not the least of which is how soon it came after Forever in a Day. So, this is my attempt to explain. Hopefully it worked. Feedback is great. Hope you enjoy! :)
Past and Present Confusion
The woman turned and looked into the light blue eyes of the man next to her.
"I sense we knew each other well before my memory was lost. Did we?" The look of hope playing across the woman's features was unmistakable.
`Here it comes' Janet thought, squeezing her eyes shut and steeling herself for his reply. Still, her heart sank. She felt a stab of something akin to jealousy race through her.
Janet had seen the connection spark between Daniel and Ke'ra. She'd seen the looks he'd given her. She'd seen him fight the rest of his team in her defense, arguing that Ke'ra and Linea were different people. And now that Linea's memories were gone, why shouldn't Daniel continue his relationship with Ke'ra? Why *wouldn't* he?
Janet's eyes flew open, her eyebrows narrowed in confusion. No? Had she heard him right, or was that just wishful thinking?
"No, we never really did." He continued.
She *had* heard right. As a disappointed Ke'ra turned away from Daniel and walked up the ramp, Janet let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.
One look at Daniel, and Janet's relief dissipated. He was standing with his arms crossed protectively across his chest, his expression was unreadable, and his blue eyes were fixed firmly on the floor. Janet sighed as the jealousy she felt melted into shame.
`Could I *be* any more selfish?' She thought to herself. Daniel had no longer gotten over witnessing the death of his beloved wife, Sha're - only to find that the woman they'd known as Ke'ra was, in fact, Linea, the Destroyer of Worlds and a homicidal maniac.
And before her there was Shyla...
And before her there was Hathor...
Janet sighed again. Daniel really knew how to pick `em.
Daniel felt an odd sense of relief wash over him as the Stargate snapped off. Still, he could also feel a familiar nagging pain welling up inside his heart. With a brief glance at Janet, Daniel buried his hands in his pockets and walked towards the door. Hopefully some time alone would serve to help sort out his feelings.
In a daze, Daniel found his way to his quarters and collapsed onto his bed. Suddenly his memories from the past couple of weeks began playing in his mind like a movie - one he couldn't turn off.
Their mission to Vyus had started out like any other. But simple exploration had taken a back seat when they found out about the mass amnesia the occupants of the planet were experiencing. And soon after learning of the trouble on Vyus, they'd met Ke'ra.
Ke'ra, she was a warm, strong, beautiful, and brilliant leader. And, according to her people, she was nearly single-handedly responsible for helping them get through the widespread panic that had occurred after their memory loss.
After spending some time with Ke'ra, using her knowledge and library in hopes of finding a cure, Daniel had found himself strangely attracted to her. He remembered thinking that it was no big deal. Attraction and chemistry between people was only natural. No big deal... The rest of his memories came back to him in a flash - coming back to earth, kissing Ke'ra, finding out the truth about her identity, helping her and her people, and now came...the inevitable fall.
Daniel's mental movie rewound to the kiss and then paused. He sighed as the hurt in his heart welled up again. Thank God a kiss was all that happened, but that kiss alone had done more damage than he knew how to deal with.
He could still remember the feel of her arms around him, and the taste of her lips. The kiss was soft and warm, and before he knew it, he was sliding his eyes open just so he could look into those deep brown eyes...
But her eyes were a shocking blue.
Realization and guilt hit him like a punch in the stomach. The woman he was kissing was not the woman he loved. She wasn't the one his heart was longing for. She wasn't his wife, she was a stranger to him.
And he'd just betrayed the only woman he'd ever loved.
The crushing guilt still pounded against his mind and heart. Guilt because Sha're was gone forever. Guilt because he'd allowed Ke'ra to get too close. Guilt because he'd come to his senses just a little too late.
Daniel's thoughts continued on their downward spiral. A rebound. Isn't that what it's called when you use a person to forget someone else? His inner voice angrily berated him. How could he have defaced Sha're's memory like that? And with the Destroyer of Worlds of all people?
Clutching his pillow to his chest, he squeezed his eyes shut and wished he could make his mind stop racing. Even more, he wished he could make the growing ache in his heart subside. But he couldn't.
"I'm sorry, Sha're."
Janet lifted her hand to the door, but paused before rapping her knuckles against it. Daniel might very well want to be left alone. Still, the look on Daniel's face as he left the Gate Room told her he might need a friend.
Squaring her shoulders, Janet took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.
After a couple seconds, she finally heard his tense reply. "Come in."
She turned the doorknob and pushed the door inward.
"Hey." She greeted him softly.
One look at him and her concern grew tenfold. He was perched on the side of his bed, trying to pretend that he wasn't miserable. But, his clothes were rumpled, and his glasses were slightly crooked, and his eyes looked awfully puffy and red.
"How are you feeling?" Janet asked. It wasn't exactly the most brilliant icebreaker, but she was hoping it would be enough to open him up.
Well, so much for that.
"Are you?" She tried again.
"Yes! If you're worried about the effects of the Dargol, it's not contageous."
Janet sighed. "I know. But, I wasn't asking as your doctor, Daniel. I was asking as your friend."
"Oh..." Daniel seemed to be at a loss for words.
Janet sighed inwardly. Maybe this had been a bad idea. She crossed the room and tentatively sat on the edge of his bed. "Listen, Daniel. I know this has been hard on you. But if you need to talk, I'm always here for you, okay?"
Daniel gave her a half-hearted smile. "Thanks, Janet."
Janet stood up and turned to go, but a nagging question in the back of her mind made her pause at his door. Her heart was pounding, but she needed to know the answer.
Janet cleared her throat. "...why did you say `no' when Ke'ra asked if you knew each other well?"
There. She'd said it.
Daniel's gaze shifted from the floor up to Janet's eyes, and back down again. For a moment he was silent and Janet began to wonder if he was going to answer.
"Because we didn't." He answered simply.
Janet's eyebrows sank in confusion. What was that supposed to mean?
Daniel sighed. "Seeing as how Ke'ra turned out to be...well, you know... I obviously didn't know her very well at all. At least, not like I know Sam, or you, or..."
"Sha're." Janet supplied quietly.
Daniel closed his eyes and nodded silently.
"I can't believe that I..." he trailed off in a whisper.
Janet's heart broke for him as she saw the pain and guilt reflecting in his eyes. Impulsively, she crossed the room and wrapped him a hug.
"You might feel better if you talk about it." Janet suggested, pulling out of the hug to look him in the eye.
Daniel got up from the bed and began pacing around the room anxiously, "I kissed her, Janet."
She'd figured as much, but still, Janet's heart hammered against her chest at his confession. No wonder Daniel was so upset with himself. Sha're might've been gone for three years, but her funeral was held only last month.
"Sha're was my wife. I betrayed her, Janet! I loved her! How could I do that to her? I could I forget her so easily? And with Linea of all people!"
"Daniel," Janet said softly, hoping to calm him down. "You'll always love Sha're. She's a part of you." Janet paused as she watched Daniel stop pacing, and stare at the floor. "And maybe Ke'ra wasn't the *best* choice, but that's not your fault. No one knew the truth about Ke'ra - including herself. Either way, you can't live in the past."
"I know." Daniel said, showing his inner tension by subconsciously pinching the bridge of his nose.
"You look like you could use some rest." Janet observed.
Janet got up and moved towards the door. "If things had happened the other way around, would you have wanted Sha're to spend the rest of her life alone?"
Daniel sighed,"...well, no."
Janet opened the door, "Remember Sha're. Don't ever stop loving her. But don't punish yourself for trying to move forward. She would want you to be happy."
With that, a weary Janet turned from Daniel's door and headed towards the elevator. Hopefully she'd helped Daniel sort out some of his feelings. Now if she could only sort out her own.
Daniel stared up at the ceiling. It'd been hours since Janet had left him there, and he'd had a lot of time to think about what she'd said.
Moving forward. That's what she'd called it. And she was right; he couldn't live in the past. Though his heart still ached for her, his life with Sha're was over. Their time together had long since past.
The guilt was still there, but for the first time since the kiss, it didn't feel crippling. Sha're would want him to move on. Daniel sighed as he drifted into sleep. Janet was right; and maybe someday he would find someone...
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