Author: Falcon Horus
Category: angst/drama, hurt/comfort
Summary: When all hell breaks loose...
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
Author's notes: My take on Meg's August challenge...these were the criteria:
1 Must fall under the category of angst/drama, at least to some degree.
2 At some point in the fic, Janet is responsible for hurting Daniel in some way. Whether she messes up during an examination, zats him, shoots him, spills scalding hot coffee on him, or whatever is up to you, but it has to be something serious and not just stepping on his toes. ;)
3 Let's have some angst and guilt-ridden Janet, people! :)
4 No character death - I don't want her to hurt him THAT badly. ;)
Has not been beta'ed so all mistakes are mine...could do with a beta though, I think anyway.
The voices in her mind were screaming, yelling at her. It was all too loud. She couldn't even make out what they were saying but had a distinct feeling it wasn't meant to be friendly. She couldn't remember the last time she had such a headache. She would just like them to go away but they wouldn't listen. If she could just strain herself and listen closer she would be able to hear what they were saying. It hurt so badly but she had to try.
//You...// Just have to try harder. //...Killed him!// The voices were accusing her of murder but she hadn't killed anyone, had she? No, she was a Doctor and would never do anything to harm her patients. The screaming continued gaining force again and this time she could hear a distinct male voice screaming in agony. //YOU killed him!!//
"What!" She awoke with a start. Four white walls, no windows and one door. She was in trouble but why couldn't she remember anything from before. How had she ended up in this situation in the first place? She tried to get up and walk around, hoping in that way she could somehow focus her mind. But her vision blurred and she fainted almost immediately, taken down into a whirlwind of memories.
Blood everywhere, on her hands, her clothes, on the floor ... everywhere. Where did all that blood come from? Why was she covered in blood? Another image replaced the previous one, a man laying in a puddle of blood in the middle of a room, a young girl sitting next to him calling for help and a woman calling on the phone, she too covered in blood. His blood. The image of the man is coming back to haunt her. He's looking fairly young with short brown hair and a pair of now broken glasses on his face. She knew him. She had seen him before. She recognized him. It was...
"DANIEL!!" She awoke, shaking violently and covered in sweat. Four red walls, no windows, one door. No, the walls were white, not red. It was blood, dripping down from the ceiling. All she wanted to do was curl up in a little ball and die right there and then. She had killed a man. She, a medical doctor, had killed a man, not some man ... she had killed her own fiancé.
//You killed HIM!!// The voices were back, louder than ever and more accusing. His voice was among them. He was accusing her of first-degree murder.
"I didn't kill him!" She was looking around frantically, feeling their eyes piercing her soul. They were everywhere and they were watching her. She could feel them watch her. She wasn't alone, they were with her and wouldn't leave her be.
//You killed him!//
"NO!! I DID NOT!!" She was screaming at the top of her lungs, tears running freely now. "SHUT UP!! I didn't kill him. I didn't." She started sobbing uncontrollably, the voice constantly haunting her. She so longed for silence, no more voices haunting her but pure silence.
A soft murmuring penetrated the silence inside his head. It was a subtle indication he was still among the living and that his best friend was somewhere nearby. He wondered what he had done that had landed him in this particular situation. He was sure he had been careful on their last mission and yet here he was, lying flat on his back in a bed that was very familiar. He couldn't feel any immediate pain so either he was okay, except that he had obviously been unconscious, or he was being overloaded with a large amount of morphine or painkiller alike. His movement had drawn his friend's attention as he heard a soft greeting directed his way. Opening eyes after having been unconscious for a while is never a pleasant experience, at least not when there isn't one particular smiling Doctor in the neighborhood. As he had adjusted to the little light there was on around him, he saw his friend smiling at him, a concerned one that he managed to show like a goofy one. Blinking several times he finally got the man in focus, or at least as focused as he could get without his ever-present glasses who were now actually not present.
"Hi." Oh, he managed to say something and there was actual sound. That was good. "What happened?"
"You don't remember what happened?" He wouldn't have asked if he knew. "You were shot."
"On our last mission?" He couldn't for the love of any god, false or not, recall their last mission but he wouldn't know where else he could have been in the line of fire.
"Jack?" Something in the back of his mind told him he wouldn't like the truth much, but he had to know what had happened to him.
"Fraiser shot you." His face must have given him away that he wasn't buying what his friend was saying, even though he knew it was the truth whether he wanted to believe it or not. "She wasn't quite herself when she pulled the trigger and she even..."
"She even what?"
"She tried to kill herself but Carter only just prevented that from happening. She's convinced she killed you."
"What?" This was beyond him. His fiancée had pulled a gun on him and had even pulled the trigger? She would never do such a thing, would she? Something must have been wrong.
"Dr. Mackenzie has her locked up in the white padded room. She was ... well..."
"Well what?" Why did they always have to make things so complicated? Instead of telling someone exactly what they knew they had to tell it in bits and pieces. "Jack?"
"Nuts! When Carter arrived to pick you up, she found the Doc sitting on the floor, the gun to her temple about to ... you know what. You were lying in this big puddle of blood and Cassie was panicking in the tenth degree. Nuts!"
"No..." It was coming back to him now, even if he didn't want it to come back. As he closed his eyes he saw the whole scene play out again. His team was scheduled to go on a two-day mission and Sam was going to pick him up. Janet had come home and he had welcomed her with a kiss, which he always did. This time however she had pulled away from him and a gun had appeared out of nowhere. She had started shouting things at him and he had backed away. He hadn't even felt the shots fired at him.
"I'm sorry, Daniel." He felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder. All he did was nod and then settled to get some sleep, which would definitely give him a nightmare or two.
Sam was standing in front of the door of the white padded room. She was waiting for Doctor Mackenzie to give her the go ahead. She had promised her CO she would let him know when there was a change in the Doc's behavior, just as he would let her know how Daniel was doing. She had been in a bit of a shock when she had found him lying in a puddle of blood and her best friend with a gun in her hand, about to shoot herself. She had only just prevented that from happening, and the only thing her friend had done was stare at her. She hadn't struggled or anything, not even when the police had arrested her. It was luck that had kept her from being taken to the station, as Carter had wanted her to be checked over first. Sam had found her behavior odd and her suspicion of something being wrong had been confirmed when Dr. Warner had informed her the CMO of the SGC was drugged, intoxicated. She was as high as a kite and having a really bad trip, which had landed her inside the white padded room. She had been having hallucinations about the most horrible things Sam could only imagine, as she had been yelling and crying most of the time, at least when she wasn't unconscious. They knew she was absolutely convinced she had killed Daniel and was now paying the prize for it. The guilt was eating the poor woman alive.
"Major Carter." Sam jumped as she heard Mackenzie right behind her. She must have been in deep thoughts, not having him heard sneaking up on her. "You may enter now, she has calmed down again."
"Will she be okay?" Sam had to know whether her friend was going to be fine after all this was over.
"Well, it seems this drug in her system has the same effect as LSD. If you're in a good mood you're having a good trip and you'll see dancing trees and pink elephants. If your mood isn't all that good when taking the drug you might just end up in your worst nightmare."
"So, she's having the bad one."
"Yes, but if she starts believing everything she sees during the moments she's hallucinating her mind may come to think that's real ... and that's not good, bad even. What I wonder about is how Dr. Warner didn't detect the drugs in her system during the post-mission? She must have been showing signs already."
"No idea." Mackenzie nodded and the orderly at the door immediately slid his card through the lock. The door clicked, indicating it was unlocked.
"If she becomes agitated or you need help, just call. There's always someone here at the door."
As Sam opened the door she could hear a soft shuffling. Closing the door behind her, she noticed her friend was trying to get herself as far away from her as possible by pushing herself closer to the wall in the little corner she was occupying. Making herself as small as she could possibly get was helping a lot too. Her eyes were wide with mortal fear and she had her hands covering her ears, as if to shut out any and every noise. Sam didn't dare to move much, afraid she might be scaring the woman even more. Tears were slowly filling her eyes and all she wanted to do was sit down and hold her friend for dear life.
"I didn't kill him." Her voice was strained.
"No, you didn't." Sam hoped she could convince her she hadn't killed Daniel and in doing so she might stop having these horrible hallucinations. "You shot Daniel but you didn't kill him."
"I shot ... No, I didn't kill him!" She was shaking her head. "I didn't..." And then she started crying again. Sam couldn't take it any longer and just placed herself next to the distressed woman, taking her in her arms. Janet buried herself inside Sam's arms, seeking safety and comfort. She had her eyes squeezed shut, hoping she could keep the images of blood and death away now.
"It's going to be okay now." Sam started rocking back and forth, hoping it would have a calming effect. "It's alright now ... shush!"
Jack had promised his 2IC he would keep her up to date on Daniel's health status. She'd do the same about Janet but he hadn't heard from her since she had left for the hospital. He had left Teal'c watching Daniel and keeping him some company he knew he would be needing when he woke up again. It wasn't fair. The poor man always had bad luck, but this time that bad luck had come from a very familiar side and that must be hard. He hadn't known the Doc could do something like that. Even though Carter had informed him that she was drugged and wasn't thinking clearly, but still when the Linvris had invaded her mind she had been the one to come up with a solution. She had fought the effect the little buggers had on someone who didn't have a goa'uld. He shook his head lightly, making his way down the hallway almost bumping into Mackenzie as he rounded the corner.
"Oh, sorry! Didn't see you coming." He quickly ducked to the ground to retrieve some of the man's papers.
"It's okay, Colonel. I guess we could blame the situation." He accepted his papers Jack handed to him. "Are you here to see Doctor Fraiser?" Jack nodded in the confirmative way. "Major Carter is still with her. It's down the hall to..."
"I know the way, Doc!" Jack gave him a friendly nod before continuing his way.
He knew the way better than anybody. He had been there all the time, or at least as much as he could, when they had Daniel locked up in the white padded room. He gave the orderly by the door a short nod, a silent order to open the door, which the man did at once. He took a few steps inside, finding his 2IC sitting against the wall with her best friend safely tucked in between her arms.
"Hey Sir." She looked up at him and gave him a weak smile.
"How is she?" He bent through his knees, making it easier for his 2IC who didn't have to look up at him that way. He noticed sobs wrecking the Doc's body and once in a while she would shiver violently. She was murmuring softly to herself.
"I don't know. I think we'll have to wait till the drugs have completely left her system."
"I didn't kill him." Jack looked surprised as his Doc looked at him, an innocent but frightened look in her eyes. She looked like a child who had just hurt itself real badly and needed to be comforted by a parent.
"No, you didn't kill him." Sam confirmed again.
"No, I didn't." Janet shook her head and settled back against Sam.
"How is Daniel, by the way?" Sam looked at Jack who smiled, although it disappeared rather fast.
"He's going to be fine ... physically anyway. Mentally however... I don't know." Jack planted himself down on the floor, which was a lot more comfortable then bending through his knees. "After I told him what had happened he seemed to remember some of the events, but wouldn't talk about it. He probably thinks he can cope on his own."
"He knows we're there for him ... for both of them." Sam turned towards her friend who had fallen asleep at last. She shifted the woman's weight while Jack placed his jacket over the Doc's shoulder, preventing her from getting cold.
"I think we should leave her to rest." Jack got up and started to make his way to the door.
"I think I'm going to stick around a little longer." Sam smiled up at him. "Tell Daniel I said hi."
"I will." Jack knocked a few times on the door, as a sign he wanted out. "Goodnight Carter!"
The silence was overwhelming. It was most pleasant and all she wanted to do was to enjoy it as long as possible. She knew she had to get up and start her day, even though something didn't feel right. Her alarm hadn't beeped yet and she wondered why. She always set it, as she knew she needed it. Her bed was feeling funky too and when turning over she realized her blankets felt strangely like someone's jacket. And instead of feeling her fiancé's warm body cuddled up behind her, she found her best friend sleeping on the floor next to her, slowly breathing in and out.
"Floor?" She awoke with a start. Four white walls, no windows and one door. The room immediately started spinning and she had to lie back down, allowing her head to adjust to the sudden movement. She was in trouble as she, not Sam, was wearing these annoying white hospital clothes. They had her locked up in the white padded room and it made her wonder in what state she had been when she had been locked inside. As soon as the room stopped spinning she got up and immediately walked to the door, waking her best friend in the action. "Sam!" She took the collar of the woman's jacket and pulled her into a sitting position. Janet jumped back, surprised of her own violent behavior.
"Wow ... take it easy!"
"I'm sorry." She slumped back against the wall, staring down at her hands. "What happened? Why am I in here?"
"Don't you remember?" Sam looked at her friend, who merely shrugged her shoulders.
"I remember having a really bad nightmare, which felt awkwardly real."
"What did you dream about then?"
"There was blood and pain. And I had ... I shot Daniel." Janet looked up at Sam, who gave her a strange look that was telling her something, but she wasn't sure what.
"It wasn't a dream, Janet." Sam carefully started explaining it had actually happened.
"Wha-what?" A disbelieving look appeared in her friend's eyes.
"You shot Daniel and tried to kill yourself afterwards. You were lucky I was coming to pick up Daniel or you would have been ... well ... gone now."
"No ... that was a dream!" Janet was shaking her head and didn't want to believe she had actually hurt someone.
"Janet..." Sam moved closer to her friend and forced her to look at her.
"No Sam..." Tears were making their way down.
"Daniel is fine ... physically at least." Sam thought it mattered to tell her he was fine physically and she had to know that mentally he wasn't coping, and with reason; getting shot is one thing, but the culprit being your own fiancée is another.
"I ... would never... How? Why?"
"When I came to your house to pick up Daniel, I found you with your gun in your hands about to shoot yourself. I was just in time to take the gun away from you and all you did was stare at me so I figured you weren't exactly yourself. The police wanted to arrest you but I convinced them you should be taken to a hospital. I asked Dr. Warner to test you for any form of intoxication and he found traces of a drug similar to LSD in your system. About an hour after you had arrived at the Academy Hospital you started having hallucinations, and we can only imagine how horrible those were. Dr. Mackenzie had you locked up in here, making sure you wouldn't be hurting yourself or anyone else. I don't know how the drugs ended up in your system so I guess you must have eaten or drank something on P7C-845."
"I... Can I see him?"
"I don't know. I'll have to ask Dr. Mackenzie and I'm sure Dr. Warner wants to test you again, just to see if the drug is completely gone." Janet gave Sam a most pleading look, one that Carter hadn't seen before. "I'll see what I can do, okay." She nodded, allowing Sam to leave and find out if she was free to go and see Daniel, if he wanted to see her.
On to Part 2