Title: Funeral Blur
Category: Hurt, Comfort, Friendship, Angst etc.
Pairings: Little Daniel/Janet, Cassandra/SG-1 Friendship
Season/Sequel: Post Season Season Episode "Heroes".
Summary: Cassie deals with the events of Heroes and her own turmoiled emotions .
Author's Notes: We didn't see Cassie in Heroes and I wanted to bring her into play, after all what happened in Heroes would have affected her. The story may be in a bit of a mish mash but sometimes when you lose a loved one the days and weeks after can seem to be just a blur.
"Cassie? It's me."
"Hey mom. What's up?"
"I'm so sorry honey, but something's come up and I won't be able to make it home for dinner tonight."
Cassie sighed in annoyance. "Fine."
"I'm sorry sweetie, but there's an emergency."
"It's not SG-1 is it?" Panic suddenly overriding her anger.
"No, for once it's not. I won't be home until later."
"Is this a two hour kind of later or the 'I really won't be home until tomorrow' later?"
"I, I don't know. I mightn't be home tonight. I'm sorry honey but I gotta go. I love you."
"Love you too." She hung up and threw herself onto the couch. Another night at home alone.
"We ask God our Father in Heaven to look after Janet's daughter Cassandra, partner Daniel and her brothers Andrew and James during this time of sorrow, and we pray that they may find comfort in the knowledge that she is now in the presence of our eternal and ever loving Father, where pain and sorrow do not exist and joy beyond our mortal comprehension reigns supreme."
"Amen." The congregation said solemnly. At the top of the church Daniel and Cassie sat just a few short feet away from the wooden coffin of Janet Fraiser.
Cassie couldn't keep her eyes off it. She half expected to wake up from this nightmare any minute. The past five days had just been a blur.
She remembered a few short hours after that phone call the doorbell had rung and as soon as she'd answered it and she'd seen Sam and the airman she knew something was wrong.
"What's going on? Where's mom?"
"Cassie." Sam had hugged her until she had trouble breathing. Scrambling out of her grip Cassie stepped back a confused and angry look on her face.
Sam looked away trying hard to blink away the hot tears that stung her eyes before looking back at her. "There was.an accident."
"What kind of accident?"
"One of our SG teams was attacked off world. There were injured members that couldn't make it back to the gate. We launched a rescue mission and your mom came with us. Daniel and your mom...were helping one of the soldiers. She, she was trying to save his life." She shook her head. "There was nothing anybody could do. She was shot by a jaffa."
"No." she whispered.
"I'm so sorry." Sam said stepping towards her but Cassie stepped away her fists clenched at her sides, a lone tear escaping from the corner of her eye that she brushed away angrily.
"He has to stay at the base, he's being debriefed now."
"And the airman?"
Sam swallowed, "He survived. She saved his life."
Cassie nodded her head jerkily.
"Cass, I, I can't stay long, I'm gonna call your uncle Andrew, okay?"
"Yeah, sure." She said going up to her room. She could hear the short muffled conversation down stairs. Sometime later, she wasn't sure when, she heard the car pull up and she went downstairs opening the door and throwing herself into the arms of her mother's brother.
"It's okay darling. Sshhh, it's okay, we'll get through this." She didn't cry she seemed to be in nothingness. "Thank you, for calling me." He said over her shoulder.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sam nod. "I'm gonna have to go now. I'll be back as soon as I can Cass, okay?"
Cassie didn't move, didn't even make any acknowledgement that she'd even heard her.
"Thank you." Andrew said again as Sam left quietly.
They had come back some time later, she wasn't sure when. The house was full of people when it was the last thing she wanted. The pitying and sympathetic looks were bad enough but if one more person told her how sorry they were she'd scream. She knew they meant well but it was the last thing she needed right now. To be nice and kind and thank people for their good wishes and how good they were to come when her mother was lying in an open casket dressed in her dress blues in the next room.
It was ridiculous.
These earth customs of surrounding those who'd lost people with crowds including a great number of people they didn't even know was absurd. And talking about how great she was, and amazing and when was the funeral?
They were going to bury her in the ground and pray to a God she didn't even think existed. What was the difference between their God and her old ones? At least you could see the Goa'ulds, see the object of your pain and hatred. See the God who had ordered your loved one's death. What was this God? You never saw him, did he even exist? And yet they fought wars and killed their own kind for him, that which they don't even know exists. It seemed as if they were just clutching at straws unwilling to believe that bad things just happened, they seemed to need to believe that there had to be somebody controlling what was going on. Some higher power in a wonderful, unimaginable paradise. There had to be a better place then this, cos if this was all their was, hope would die and they'd be left with the sad, pathetic reality they were in now.
Teal'c was the only one who didn't tell her how 'sorry' he was. He bowed his head and when she went outside to escape the claustrophobic environment he was already waiting watching carefully. A silent strength, and that's what she needed.
She hated black at funerals. It only made the mourners look sour, pale and tired. So she'd compromised. a black pair of slacks and a green sweater. Nobody had said anything and she wouldn't have cared if they did.
She closed her eyes and Daniel squeezed her hand. "Are you okay?" he whispered leaning his head closer to hers.
She nodded mutely as the priest gave his final blessing and the undertakers moved towards the coffin and began wheeling it down to the back of the church.
She stood up shakily, Daniel's hand resting lightly on her back as she followed her mother for the last time. They stopped outside the hearse as they put the box inside and she could hear the low murmurings of the crowd behind them. The graveyard was only a short distance away and she walked with Daniel on her right, her arm hooked through his, leaning heavily on him while Andrew and her other uncle, James walked on her left.
She was vaguely aware of the rest of SG-1 and General Hammond walking just behind them, but she couldn't take her eyes off the coffin, the sunshine glinting off the brass handles on the side. And since when did the sun shine when there was a funeral? On the television it was always cold and raining, the weather was always in sync with the mourners emotions. Why wasn't it now?
Arriving at the small cemetery gates Daniel and her two uncles moved forward along with Jack, Teal'c and General Hammond to carry the coffin the final short distance to the grave.
She shivered despite the heat and felt Sam's hands squeeze her shoulders. She watched as the six of them lifted the coffin and carried it slowly to the large hole in the ground. She swallowed hard and her step faltered a little but with Sam's help she somehow managed to stand beside the grave.
Daniel kissed the coffin and whispered something she couldn't hear as they lowered her beside the grave. He stood beside her and took her hand again.
The undertakers gently lowered her into the hole until they heard the sickening thud as the priest continued his preaching.
They were burying her in a hole in the ground. That couldn't be right, could it? This couldn't be happening. She couldn't be losing two mothers in less then eighteen years.
She whimpered and Daniel's grip tightened as he pulled her closer to him.
A small silver shovel was given to her and she blinked a few seconds before realising they wanted her to put the first amount of clay on top of the coffin. She swallowed hard and took it scattering the small bits of dirt on the pretty polished box of her mother's. Shaking she handed it to someone she didn't even see and watched transfixed as a few roses were thrown on top.
All too soon the ceremony was over and the crowds dispersed leaving only herself and Daniel.
"Come on, let's go." He told her rubbing her shoulders soothingly.
Barely a word was spoken on the way back to the house, a few comments were made about how beautiful the ceremony was and how well she had done but she couldn't really stop focusing on the image of them lowering her mother into the ground.
When they arrived back at the house she immediately ran upstairs to her mother's room. She didn't want to see anybody, she'd had enough of that crap.
She sat on the edge of the bed looking at all her mother's things that surrounded her, her photographs, her perfume on the dresser, the night cream she used, her dressing gown hanging on the wardrobe door. Everything looked the same, as if nothing had happened.
She didn't even hear Daniel come in.
"Cassie? You've got to eat something. Why don't come downstairs?"
"What happened?" she asked him hoarsely.
"You know what happened." He closed the door and sat down beside her.
"What? A jaffa just shot her and that was it? No." She shook her head, "I want to see the tape."
"I know there's a tape and I want to see it." She told him clearly.
"You can't Cassie, I'm sorry. They won't let you."
"I'm her daughter!"
"I know, I know, but they can't let you. Cassie." He tried putting his arm around her but she jumped up.
"NO! I want to know what happened. Daniel, tell me! I want to know why my mother's rotting in a wooden box in a hole six feet deep. Tell me what happened!" she pleaded turning away angrily.
He closed his eyes and sighed. "We were.offworld, trying to help the team under attack. Only, there were a lot more Jaffa then we'd thought originally. Janet and I found Wells and she was treating him. We were cut off from the gate, there wasn't anything we could do but try to treat him there." Cassie sat back down beside. "She was amazing." He smiled sadly, "She made him believe he'd live to see his child born. She wouldn't give up on him. But he, he wanted to record a message for his wife, just in case and I had the camera. It kept him talking so Janet didn't see the harm." He swallowed hard. "I, I was so preoccupied with keeping Wells talking that I didn't even.I didn't even see the Jaffa." He rubbed his forehead vigorously and Cassie watched as he fought the tears he'd manage to defeat so far. "She, uh, she was hit in the chest. All I saw was the.sparks. I don't know why he didn't kill me as well. I don't.she was just trying to save lives." He sobbed and she hugged him tightly as the tears that hadn't been allowed to fall finally flowed from each of them, their hitched sobs and ragged breathing in unison as they remembered the woman they had both loved and lost.
Eventually only sniffling they pulled apart and he chuckled grimly. "I'm sorry Cassie, I'm so sorry. I wish I could just go back and ."
She nodded, "I wish I could too. But we can't, neither of us. What's going to happen now?"
"I don't know. I guess we just...go on the best we can."
"What's going to happen to me?" She whispered hoarsely.
"Sam hasn't spoken to you?"
"No." She shook her head.
"Well, I was going to mention this to you later, but."
"Well I was wondering how you'd feel about moving in with me? I know you're going to college soon, but I'd love to have you live with me."
"Could, couldn't you move in here? I mean I know it's a lot bigger then your apartment but this is all I have left of mom."
He held her hand tightly. "There's nothing I'd like more then to move in here with you." He kissed her softly on the cheek and she smiled up at him. "Thank you." She whispered.
"I'll have to go back downstairs now. You come down whenever you're ready. Okay?"
She nodded and as he closed the door she lay down on the bed. She'd lost two mothers and she'd miss them both enormously, but she realised, she still had a family that loved her, that cared for her, and although she'd never forget her parents she'd try her best to move on with her life and make all of her family proud of her.
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