Author's Notes: Sequel to "Crossing the Line" and part 5/8 of a Daniel/Janet friendship series, tracing their relationship through the first few seasons. The order of the stories is as follows: "A Singular Friendship," "The Price of Compassion," "Legacy of Trust," "Crossing the Line," "Gaining in Inches," "Smaller Victories," "Not Too Late," and "After All." No big plot twists here (sorry if the last one was too big of a wrench in the gears)...just trying to clean up the mess a little bit.

Dedication: To the fantastic folks on the danandjan list, whose feedback and encouragement keeps me writing!

Daniel was pretty sure he was the lowliest scum on the face of the earth. Scratch that. The lowliest scum in the entire universe. It was the middle of the night, and he had been working fairly diligently translating something that didn't really need to be translated, and for a short time, he had almost forgotten how awful he felt. Even forgetting was a luxury he didn't deserve, though, and in the past two weeks he had learned his lesson about seeking out distractions.

He couldn't believe he had slept with Ke'ra. Sha're had been dead for exactly fifteen days, and he had slept with a woman he barely knew. As disgusted as he was about that, however, it only compounded the real reason he felt sick every time he thought about his miserable soul: Janet. Far worse than his quick fling with a stranger was the way he had senselessly hurt and humiliated a woman he cared so much for.

He and Janet had been studiously avoiding each other for the past two weeks. For the most part, they had been successful, and when they had been forced to work together recently, they managed a cool professionalism that stung more deeply than outright avoidance had.

Daniel pushed himself away from his desk, chucking his book across the room angrily. He strode across the room to yell at himself in the mirror. He didn't have a right to self-pity. It was his own damn fault that he had ruined one of the best friendships he had ever had. Most of that awful night was obscured in an alcohol-induced fog, but he kept reliving one horrible detail over and over again: Janet's beautiful brown eyes filled with fear...of him. A wave of self-loathing washed over him, and he slammed his fist into the mirror, shattering it.

"Oh shit," he whispered, staring at the slivers of glass embedded in his now-bleeding hand. How in the world was he going to explain this? Worse yet, what if she was on call tonight in the infirmary. He quickly ran through her schedule in his head...no, she didn't work on Thursday nights.

Grabbing a handful of tissues to keep the blood from dripping on the floor, he headed toward the infirmary.

Janet was seriously regretting that she had agreed to take Dr. Warner's call shift. Far from being busy, the infirmary had been dull as a tomb, which left her with plenty of time on her hands to think. She had managed to keep herself fairly busy during the past two weeks, effectively avoiding both the problem plaguing her and the man who had caused it. Only in the quiet times did it come back to her. She thought she knew Daniel so well, and suddenly she didn't recognize him. She had almost been able to justify his behavior on the night of Sha're's funeral. He had often come to her for comfort, so it seemed natural that he would on that occasion. And he had been very, very drunk. And very upset. What she could not understand, however, was what in the world he had seen in that bimbo, Ke'ra.

She slammed down the chart she had been studying and left her office with a heavy sigh. "I'm going to the commissary," she told the charge nurse. "Page me if you need anything."

The elevator doors slid open, and he ran right into her, almost knocking her over. "Oh, Janet!" he exclaimed in shock, reaching to steady her with his good hand and dropping his bloodied tissues at the same time. "Oh, I, uh," he babbled as he bent down to pick them up. He looked like he wanted to flee. "I didn't know you were there. Or here. Tonight, I mean. I thought..."

"What happened to your hand, Daniel?" she asked sharply, cutting him off and taking his elbow to lead him into the infirmary. She was taken aback to see him so suddenly after she had just been thinking about him, and she was almost grateful that he had an injury that could distract her. She wasn't sure what she would do if he had just come to talk.

"Uh, I cut it."

"I can see that. *How* did you cut it, if I may ask?"

"My mirror broke," he answered vaguely. The wounds were consistent with a punch, so she could easily guess what he didn't admit. I hope my seven years of bad luck have already started, though, he thought ruefully, because I don't think things could get much worse. He wished it had been anyone but Janet that he ran into. If he had known she would be here, he would have tried to bandage his hand himself.

"Well, I need to get these glass pieces out, and then I'll clean it and maybe put in a few stitches in these larger cuts."

Daniel watched mesmerized as she worked quickly and efficiently. He was painfully aware that because of his own idiocy, this was really the only context in which he could ever spend any time with Janet. As she finished, he realized that she was about to send him away. While part of him just wanted to get away, he knew he had to try to make some things right. Plus, though he couldn't begin to understand why, he felt better in her presence than he had in more than two weeks.

"Uh, Janet? Can I say something to you?" he asked hesitantly. She stiffened and looked at him warily but nodded permission. He took a deep breath before continuing, his eyes never leaving hers. "I really don't have a right to ask you to forgive me. The night I came to your house, I...I acted abominably. There is no excuse for what I did. You have every right never to speak to me again, or to tell everyone what a scumbag I am, or to press charges if you want, or whatever. But I just have to tell you, completely sober, that I have never been more sorry for anything I have done in my life. Please believe that I never wanted to hurt you, Janet. I'm so very sorry."

He looked truly contrite, and Janet wanted to believe him, but her anger surged as she tried to reconcile this Daniel with the man who two days before had been seducing their latest alien visitor. She took a deep breath. "I want to believe you, Daniel," she began evenly, "but your apology does seem a little inconsistent with the fact that you had to go out and fuck the first woman to cross your path."

Daniel winced. He wasn't surprised that she knew. "I, yeah, um, that was really stupid." Janet snorted. "And I don't know if I can explain it to your satisfaction."

"You don't need to satisfy me, Daniel. Your trysts are your own business." She began to gather up her supplies like she intended to go. Daniel caught her arm gently, and she looked at him in surprise. She was angry, but it was mostly hurt that he read in her eyes.

"Please, Janet, can I try to explain? Just for a minute," he pleaded.

"I don't see what there is to explain," she spat in response. "Apparently a good screw is your idea of dealing with losing Sha're. I said no, so you went out and fucked a perfect stranger. I thought I knew you pretty well, Daniel, but apparently not."

"No, Janet, it wasn't like that!" She stared at him in disbelief as he raced on, determined to say as much as possible as long as she would listen to him. "I was attracted to Ke'ra because she didn't remember who she was. She didn't remember what she had done, and I envied her that because two weeks ago I did something that I would do anything to undo or forget or have you forget. I care about you, Janet. I have for a long time, and it scared me because I wasn't supposed to feel that way about you. I know you hate me, and you should, but that doesn't mean I don't still care about you. I can't begin to analyze my actions on that night; frankly, I don't remember and can't imagine what I could have been thinking. Hurting you like I did was inexcusable. I hate myself for it. But Janet, you have to know that I didn't go over there that night with the intention of, uh, taking advantage of you. And whatever my actions may suggest to the contrary, I respect you and care about you, and I hope that you can believe that, even though I completely understand if you hate me and never want to speak to me again."

Janet had turned to stare at the far wall while he was speaking, but as he finished, she took a deep breath and turned to look at him again. She blinked to ward off threatening tears, and her lips were quivering. Daniel wanted to hold her, but he didn't dare touch her. "I," she began falteringly, "I don't hate you, Daniel." She paused again to struggle with her composure. "And I believe that you are sorry, although I still can't quite understand why you did what you did, especially with Ke'ra. But for what it's worth, I forgive you." His face brightened almost imperceptibly as he registered what she had said. "But Daniel," she continued, a warning tone in her voice, "I think it's going to take a long time before I can trust you again."

Daniel swallowed and nodded. "I understand. Thank you."

She reached out and grazed her fingers across his shoulder in a gesture that raised Daniel's hope and at the same time felt uncomfortably like a goodbye. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but then changing her mind, turned and left the room before he could see her tears start to fall.