Jack kicked the office door. "Let me in, Daniel, before I kill you!"
"You can't kill me, if you can't get to me!" sShouted Daniel through the door.
The red lights started flashing and the klaxon started going. "Oh, you wanna bet?" Jack kicked the handle and the door swung open. Daniel swung around on his butt over the desk, so the desk it was between them. "Oh... you are so dead!" Jack dived across the table ready to strangle Daniel, when the room was filled with a blinding bright light.
"Anyway, I'm sorry, but..." Daniel stopped mid-sentence again and pushed his chair away a little, getting ready to run. "I really, really am! Look, can we drop it? sShe doesn't even remember!" asked Daniel.
"It doesn't change the fact that you turned on me!" Jack argued back.
"Look, I said I'm sorry..." Daniel pleaded.
Sam looked between the archaeologist and her commanding officer.
"Guys? What's going on?" she asked conscerned. They completely ignored her.
"She has level three hand to hand combat you know. Do you have any idea how many levels that goes up when she's pissed off?" Jack asked.
Daniel smirked a little and tried to hide it, but Jack noticed.
"What the hell you laughing at?"
"She kicked your ass..." Daniel smirked "Sam beat you up!"
"No I didn't. why would I do that? What are you talking about?"
She smacked him hard on the arm looking angry.
"Oww!" Cried Daniel, rubbing his arm. Jack smiled at the fact that Sam's `little' smack hurt so much. "At least she didn't beat me up." Daniel taunted.
Jack picked up a spoon full of fruit loops and aimed it at Daniel. Daniel's face fell. "You wouldn't!"
The fruit loops flew across the table and hit Daniel in the face. Daniel just looked at Jack.
"Come on then, wuss boy! Fight like a man!" Jack taunted.
"Hey, come on guys. Let's behave rationally!" Sam pleaded, but they where still ignoring her.
Daniel stood up and cleaned off his glasses.
"Wuss boy's leaving, he's a little wussy pants!" sang Jack. Just then Daniel picked up what was left of Jack's fruit loops and dumped them over his head.
"Come on then, OLD MAN! Bring it on!" Jack stood up and looked Daniel square in the eye. Daniel picked up his half-eaten waffle and slapped Jack across the face with it. "I challenge you to a duel, Fly Boy!"
Jack rubbed his hand across his sticky cheek. "Oh... you are so dead!"
"Stop it! Come on let's act like adults here!" Sam shouted not knowing who to stop first as they both looked as dead set as each other. They ran from the table to opposite ends of the room and started picking up food. Jack went over to a new lieutenant. "Can I have that plate of food, please?"
"I'm sort of eating it, Sir.!" sShe spoke nervously.
"Do you want me to make that an order, LIEUTENANT?" With that, she pushed the tray towards him. He picked up the jello cubes and started flinging them at Daniel.
Daniel ran over to a table full of nurses, looking over his shoulder, dodging the jello. He got to the table and gave them one of `those' smiles... tThat one that turns Janet to a stuttering pile of mush. "Can I have some of your food, please?" He asked batting his eyelashes. They all simultaneously pushed their trays towards him.
"Yes, Dr. Jackson, take what you like!" They smiled together.
"Please, call me Daniel.!" That had done it, they where mush. He smiled to himself. He loved the fact that he could do that to the nurses. It meant when Jack got the really BIG needles, they were all nice to him. He took a large handful of oatmeal and prepared to throw it at Jack, as General Hammond walked into the commissary closely followed by Sam.
"Just what the HELL is going on?" hHe sounded. A jello cube hit him square on the head and stuck. He looked between Jack and Daniel. He started to turn red. Sam behind him bit her lip to hold back a giggle.
"Get...In...My...Office...NOW!" The General demanded.
The General paced up and down in front of Jack and Daniel.
"Just what the hell happened? Having a food fight in the commissary? What where you thinking?"
"There is no jello in the Gateroom, sir?" Jack suggested.
"I could have you brought up on charges for that comment alone, colonel." Hammond slammed his fists down on the desk.
"Love to see ya try, Georgy poo!"
"General, sir... let me explain." Daniel started. "Well, Jack and I have been arguing for the past couple of loops."
"Loops?" the General asked.
"Oh, yeah. Did I forget to mention that? Jack and I are stuck in this sort of time loop thing."
The General just blinked and shook his head.
"Anyway, the food fight started, because Jack kissed Sam..."
"You did WHAT? Kissed who?" George demanded turning to Jack.
"Damn it, Daniel!" Jack shouted as he leapt for the chair Daniel was sitting in. Luckily, Daniel moved just in time and ran out of the door to hide from Jack.
Jack was banging on the door of the office Daniel had barricaded himself in. He had been looking for him for the best part of the loop.
"Daniel, this door won't hold out forever!" Jack threatened, shouting through the door.
"It will until the next loop!" Daniel retorted.
Janet passed Daniel in the corridor pretending he was looking for Sam.
"Hey, Janet. What is your favorite restaurant?"
Janet looked at him confused "Erm... The Garden Of Eden Restaurant in the park, why?"
"No reason. What is your favorite flower?"
"Yellow rose. Daniel, are you going to tell me what going on?"
"No." And with that Daniel walked away.
Janet passed Daniel in the corridor pretended he was looking for Sam.
"Hey, Janet. Which do you prefer the smell of; Lavender or Honeysuckle?"
Janet looked at him confused. "Erm... Lavender I suppose, why?"
"No reason. What is your favorite out of these two; chocolate covered strawberries or oysters?"
"Chocolate covered strawberries. Daniel, are you going to tell me what going on?"
"No." And with that Daniel walked away.
Janet passed Daniel in the corridor as he was looking for Sam.
"Hey, Janet. What is your favorite wine; red or white?"
Janet looked at him confused "Erm... champagne, if it's possible, why?"
"No reason. And where do you like to be massaged and how?"
"That's a bit of a personal question."
"Just humor me, please." Daniel begged.
"On the small of my back... in little circles. Daniel, are you going to tell me what going on and on earth do you want to know that?"
"No." And with that Daniel walked away.
Daniel now fully supplied with everything the thought he needed to know about the petite doctor tried to put his plan into action.
Daniel crept up behind Janet in her office and tapped her on the shoulder.
"What are you doing?" He asked in a soft voice.
She jumped slightly, but then relaxed and turned to face him.
"Looking over yours and Jack's results from the tests I had ruan."
Daniel pushed Janet back a little. Not forcefully, but just enough so she took a few steps back. She walked into her desk and Daniel slightly pushed down on her shoulders so she sat down.
"Doctor Frasier. Janet. Jan..." Daniel started,. Janet looked shocked at his informality. "...I heard from a friend that you...erm...well..." Daniel remembered the first time he had asked Janet this.
He had been a lot more nervous that time, but now he knew the answer. He smiled to himself as he remembered her confession of wanting to have his babies and slamming him against the desk. That's why he made her sit down first.
"Daniel?" She asked, noting the slightly amused look on his face after he abruptly stopped.
"Sorry, would you like to have dinner with me?" he asked.
Janet did her best choking fish impression. "Erm... uh... why?"
Daniel smiled at her "Because I want you to."
Janet was finding it hard to breath "...ok, sure when?"
Daniel looked at his watch. "How about now?" He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the infirmary doors.
"Daniel, I'm on duty. I can't," she said pulling back on his hand.
"Trust me, Janet. Nothing's going to happen. General Hammond will never know," he smiled.
"Anyway, I'm sorry, but... Damn it I timed that badly. I have to go." Daniel got up from the table and left Sam and Jack sitting there. Jack looked at his back as he left, thinking he was up to something. He then got up and left too.
"Hey!" Sam shouted disgruntled. "What the hell just happened? What's going on? Where you guys going" She turned back to see half of the commissary staring at her. "Don't ask me." She said out loud as she got up to leave to.
Daniel had Janet blind folded in the back of a limousine. As it pulled up to the restaurant Daniel got out and ran around the other side to help Janet out the car. Unable to see where she was going, Janet stood up too fast and banged her head on the car door edge.
"DAMN!" Daniel rushed over to check her head. It was bleeding heavily. "We're gonna need to take you to hospital."
Janet removed the blindfold and revealed tears running down her face. "I'm so, so sorry, Daniel. I've ruined everything!"
Daniel helped Janet back into the limousine and told the driver to go to the nearest hospital. "Its ok, shh shh shh, it's ok. Everything will be better tomorrow."
Daniel sat in `The Garden Of Eden Restaurant'. It was a small restaurant in the middle of a park, facing the fountain. Daniel had decided against the blindfold this time. He waited for her as she had to retire to the little ladies room for a few minutes. While she was away, he took the liberty of ordering for her. Janet returned from the rest room looking as stunning as ever.
"While you were away, I ordered for you. I hope that's alright?" Daniel asked.
"Sure, that's fine. What did you order?"
"I ordered the soup of the day for the both of us."
Janet smiled at him. "That sounds lovely."
While they waited for their soup, they talked. They tried to talk about how they felt towards each other. Music, literature, Cassie, work, their past but it was a little to noisy so they found it difficult. The restaurant was so busy, it took over an hour before the waiter came to tell them they had no more soup and if they would like to reorder.
Daniel sat in `The Garden Of Eden Restaurant'. It was a small restaurant in the middle of a park, facing the fountain. Daniel had decided against the blindfold this time and he had used his credit card to book every table in the restaurant so they could actually get some food and some peace and quiet. The owner was a little annoyed that he wanted to send everyone who had booked in advance away but when Daniel wrote him a cheque for two thousand dollars he gladly agreed. He waited for her as she had to retire to the little ladies room for a few minutes. While she was away he took the liberty of ordering for her. Janet returned from the rest room looking as stunning as ever.
"While you where away, I ordered for you. I hope that's alright?" Daniel asked.
"Sure, that's fine. What did you order?"
"I ordered the soup of the day for the both of us."
Janet smiled at him. "That sounds lovely."
While they waited for their soup, they talked. They talked about how they felt towards each other and for how long. He was surprised to find (that) Janet had harbored a crush on him for (some) a while now, but she was just to shy to say anything.
After a little while Janet started to feel dizzy and a little nauseous. "Sorry, I normally only get this way when I eat shell fish."
"Oh!" Daniel gasped.
"The soup was oyster soup."
"Crap. Daniel, I'm mortally allergic. I could die!" Janet clucked her stomach.
Daniel started hitting his head against the table. "Stupid, stupid, stupid! Ok lets get you to hospital."
The next time went much more smoothly, not a hitch... so far. Janet didn't bang her head, Daniel booked up the restaurant and he didn't try to unintentionally kill Janet.
They walked arm in arm around the lake with the fountain in it. He brought her around to the jetty where a boat was tied up. Janet looked at him in surprise.
He smiled at her and nodded his head carefully leading her towards the boat. Janet wrapped a blanket around her, that Daniel had conveniently placed there earlier, while Daniel worked up a sweat rowing the boat to the little island in the middle of the lake. Janet could see his strong biceps working under his shirt. The pulling and flexing and pumping and... `Ok,' she thought, `let's stop THAT train of thought there.' She was getting all hot and bothered. All of a sudden she heard a creek
"Daniel, what was that?" She asked.
"What was wha...?" Daniel didn't finish what he was going to say. He saw the boat split in two, underneath them and start to sink. "Oh, damn! This water's cold, really cold."
They where closest to the island to they swam for dry land.
"Erm, Daniel?" Janet asked
"We're sorta stuck!" she said pointing to the park side.
They made it to the island in one piece... finally.
There, on the island in the middle of the lake, was a small hut shining with a soft orange glow. Janet found the gazebo filled with hundreds or lavender candles. She sat down on the blanket and rested her back on one of the cushions, while Daniel fetched the champagne and chocolate covered strawberries.
He noticed Janet wince as she sat up to take a glass of champagne from him.
"Are you ok?" He asked concerned.
"It's ok. I just have a little back pain." She told him.
He took her glass from her and placed it with his on the cushioned ground. "Turn around." He told her. "Lay down on your front and loosen your dress a little."
Janet was wearing a slinky red halter neck dress, which she simply loosened by the catch at the back. Holding her dress up, so not to reveal her chest, she lay down on the ground. As soon as she was comfortable, Daniel started work on her shoulders and the small of her back, using his thumbs to make small circles; gently rubbing. A little moan escaped Janet's lips.
"That feel good?" He asked slightly proud.
"You have no idea." She said sighing.
Daniel moved his fingers slightly down and pressed a little more firmly.
"That?" He inquired.
"Hmmmm," she replied barely able to nod.
A little further down.
"What about this?" He bent over and gently kissed her neck.
There was a sharp intake of breath. "Whoa!" She gasped, as a small electric shock ran through her whole body, when his soft lips made contact with her skin.
"You like that?" He asked.
Janet smiled and Daniel could hear it in her voice. "Shut up and do it again."
Daniel rubbed his hands up her back and refastened Janet's dress. She turned to face him abruptly.
"What you doing?" She asked confused and a little embarrassed.
"There is something I have to tell you. And please do speak and let me explain. Jack and I are stuck in this time loop thing. And I wanted to sort of practice a date with you so when it came to the real thing I would know how to make it perfect for you. So I am going to take the gentleman approach and refuse to go any further until I know you will remember it."
Janet slapped him then kisses him hard. "That is the loveliest thing anyone has ever done."
Daniel found Janet in a bad mood in her office. He knocked gently and got a snappy reply.
"What!" Janet's head popped up from the paper work she was using to distract herself.
"I just thought I'd pop in to see how you were..." Daniel told her slowly stepping into her office.
"Well, the Colonel has put me in a really bad mood, but apart from that just peachy, why?!" She snapped.
Daniel stood in her doorway for a little while before he was struck by an idea.
"Do you wanna get your own back on Jack?"
Janet eyed him suspiciously. "What do you have in mind?"
Jack was really getting tired of having to go to the infirmary to prove he's not insane or delusional. "So, Doc, how bad is it?" Asked Jack in his usual `can't I just get the hell outta here?'-attitude.
Janet looked at Sam and Teal'c with a worried look. "It isn't for Daniel, Sir. There's nothing wrong with him..."
"Way-da-go Space Monkey!" Jack imitated a hi-five to no one. "Wait a minute! Just Daniel? What about me?"
"For you, Sir," Janet carried on, "things aren't very good. This is something I've never seen before."
"What's wrong with me? I feel fine!" Jack looked a little scared. "Wait a minute! I KNOW there is nothing wrong with me! I've been through millions of loops and there has never been anything wrong with me in ANY of them!"
"Sir... You said the beam hit you directly, but you were shielding Daniel at that time?"
"Yeah, what does that have to do with this?"
"Well, Sir, it might explain why there is nothing wrong with Dr. Jackson and there is with you. Don't get me wrong. It's only a tiny anomaly, probably developing slowly over the loops so that it wasn't even detectable in the previous ones." Janet gestured to some nurses from the opposite side of the infirmary. They nodded an understanding and wheeled a trolley over to her. "Sir, your DNA is being re-written. It's happening very slowly, but it is happening and I don't know how to stop it." She grabbed the trolley and wheeled it around so it was in front of her.
"But that can't happen, can it? Every time the loop restarts, everything goes back to normal... so therefore there can't be anything wrong with me!"
"It seems you are the exception O'Neill," Teal'c said
"Sir," Sam interjected "This is ancient technology. We have no idea what affects it could cause, whether it's scientifically possible or not. Ask a few earth scientist about Stargate technology and they will tell you that it's not possible, but we know it is."
"So... it is possible?" Jack asked.
Sam nodded her head. He turned to the Doc for confirmation.
"Okay. So what do you mean rewritten? What's gonna happen to me?" He asked, sounding more than a little concerned, because he had noticed that the trolley contained all the big needles.
"Sir, it seems that this anomaly is acting like a retro virus and is changing your chromosomes. You're turning into a woman, Sir. Or should I say, Ma'am? We need to do some more tests on you."
He jumped off the bed and hid behind Sam. "Not with them things, you're not!"
"Sir, it's the only way!" Janet pleaded.
"Sam, please, stop them!" He turned Sam to look at him.
"Sir, I think it is for the best." She told him.
"Sam, if you love me, stop them!" He begged her.
Her eyes widened in shock. "But, I don't LOVE you!"
"That's not what you were screaming last night..." Realisation hit hard. "Oops! Sorry, fear induced ramblings. Take no notice!" He squirmed. "Ok, Doc! Do what you must!"
Janet couldn't hold it in anymore. She burst out giggling. Jack turned to look at her. He found Janet giggling, Sam sporting a confused look, that would rival Jack's best, and Daniel almost doubled over with his hand shoved in his mouth to stifle the laughter, trying to crawl out the door away from Jack.
`That's it!' He thought to himself. `He's a dead man!'
Jack quietly went to his office to plan his revenge on Daniel. How should he do it? Give him pain? Kill him? Lock him and Janet in a room together; no, he'd probably like that! There was a knock on the door.
"Come in," he ordered. Who dared to interrupt his scheming time?
"Sir," it was Sam, "I wanted to talk about what you said in the infirmary."
"Yes..." he asked cautiously.
"What did you mean, when you said: `That's not what you said last night?'"
"Uh, well, erm..."
"Sir, did you take advantage of me?"
"Where did that come from?" Jack asked shocked.
"I've been talking to Daniel and he said something about the control room, the infirmary, the briefing room table, the locker rooms..." She explained.
Jack fumed. He was soooooooo gonna kill him. Making stuff up so Sam would get him!
"So did you take advantage of me?" Sam asked again.
"HELL NO! It was more like the other way around."
"Well, when I told you about the no consequences thing, you... well, erm... You got a little forward. Told me you didn't care if you didn't remember our night together, as long as I did."
"Yep." Sam slapped Jack across the face and gave him a sharp, hard kick in the groin and turned to storm out the room. Jack nearly fell to the floor in agony. "WHAT?" Jack gasped after her. "What did I do? Nothing happened! You came on to me, but I turned you down! SAM?!"
Sam stopped and turned to look at him. Her face set as stone. "So you didn't take advantage of me?"
"How could I do that to you, Sam? You know how much I care for you."
"So you never did anything?" Sam looked a little disappointed.
"Well, I did kiss you in front of the General, but I handed my notice in. Besides, you kissed me back!"
Sam bent down and helped Jack up. "So what was this kiss like?" she asked.
"Passionate, long, deep..." he didn't finish his sentence as Sam leaned into him and gave him a kiss to rival that one in the gate room. When they finally pulled apart she walked over to the door and locked it. Jack hobbled over to her and unlocked it.
"Like I said...not until you remember."
"You promise?" She looked at him with big desire filled eyes.
"Anyway, I'm sorry, but that..." Daniel got up and ran out the commissary.
Jack waited until Daniel was completely asleep. Trying to hide from Jack had him so tired out. Or maybe it was the sleeping pills Jack had slipped into his coffee. Jack smiled to himself. He was evil.
Jack took the electric shaver to Daniel's hair. When Daniel's hair was nearly all gone... well, completely bald in some places and tuffs in others... Jack shaved a neat little rectangle on the back of his head. When jack had finished, he poured Daniel a fresh cup of warm coffee, woke him up with some smelling salts and ran out of the room like a bat out of hell.
Daniel sat in Janet's office having his hair fixed. Not only had someone attempted to shave his head. They had also shaved the word `SPACEMONKEY' on the back of his head. He hadn't known this of course. Janet pointed it out, when she had to shave off all his hair.
"Calm down, Daniel," she said, "it's just a stupid prank and your hair will be fine. It will grow back."
"Janet, I don't care. This means WAR!"
"Daniel," she said warningly, "Don't do anything stupid?"
"I wont," he lied "But Jack will pay."
The giggles coming from the locker room told Jack that it was still the women's locker room. He looked at his watch. They where meant to be out fifteen minutes ago. He knocked on the door rapidly.
"Ladies, can we hurry it up, please?" He asked impatiently asked.
The young lieutenant, Jack had taken the jello from, opened the door a crack. She took one look at Jack and burst out laughing, again. She quickly tried and failed to pull herself together. She was grinning, like a person deranged and painfully holding back a laugh, when she started to speak to him.
"What can I do for you? Sir." She added.
"Can you tell me, why the female officers are still in the locker room? And giggling like lunatics? Don't you know the rules about giggling?"
"Yes, Ssir!." She closed the door on him. A second later she reappeared again, but with what looked like a photocopy of something in her hand. "I hope this explains everything, Ssir.!" She shoved the paper into his hand and slammed the door shut again. Jack could hear a new chorus of giggles start up on the other side of the door.
He looked at the paper. It was I a picture of him! Naked! He felt a little hurt. He always thought he looked good naked. For a man of his age of course. That knocked his confidence a bit. He looked at it again. Shock, anger, confusion surged through him. Who would do this? This picture had been doctored! His... he was speechless. `It' was way bigger than that. He looked a little closer at the picture. It had the date and the time on. It was a picture taken from the security camera in the shower room... at the same time he was in there this morning. And it had been enlarged. Well, the picture had, but his privates had been shrunk. Who would do something like this and who would be able to get a picture of him? Then it dawned on him.
"Daniel!" He growled.
Daniel wondered if Jack had found out about the pictures yet. He chuckled to himself.
"You! I am so gonna rip your head off!" Someone shouted from the opposite end of the corridor.
`Uh-ow. Yep, I guess he has.' He thought to himself, as he ran in the opposite direction as what Jack was in.
Dr. Daniel Jackson sprinted down the corridors of the SGC scattering several airmen as he went.
"Sorry!" He shouted not bothering to stop or even slow down.
Colonel Jack O'Neill sprinted around the corner after him.
"Dr. Jackson! Get your butt here. NOW!" He shouted.
Daniel risked a glance back. Jack was catching up. For a man of his age he was sure in a good state of health. ` Yes, just what I need,' he thought. Daniel darted for a nearby office. It was unused, but it still had a basic desk and other equipment in it. He slammed the door shut and locked it. He backed up to the desk, when Jack's face appeared at the glass window through the door.
"Daniel Jackson, open this god damn door NOW!" He tried yanking at the door handle.
"Do you promise not to kill me?" Daniel asked unsure.
"Yes, I promise not to kill you... How can you suffer, if you are dead? Tell me that. I am soooooo gonna kick your butt! Then put your head through a wall. Then kick your butt some more! Maybe then, ...and only MAYBE then, I will consider killing you!" He kicked the door.
The red lights started up and a voice over the speakers started echoing `UNAUTHORISERED OFF WORLD ACTIVATION'.
Jack stopped his attack on the door. "You just wait, Daniel... You just wait!"
"Anyway, I'm sorry..." Daniel pushed away from the table getting ready to run.
Jack carried on eating his fruit loops.
"Daniel, do you remember that translation? And how to stop the loops?"
Sam looked up from her plate "What?"
"Why?" Daniel looked concerned.
"Because I'm sick of these damn loops.?" He smiled threateningly.
"What loops?" Sam asked again, but they were both ignoring her.
"And that's the end of everything that's happened... through the loops?" Daniel looked scared.
"Some day... - long from now - ...when you think I have forgotten,... you'll pay. Trust me... You'll pay."
Sam looked at Daniel, then back to Jack "Sir?"
Jack filled his mouth full of oatmeal. He was sitting with Daniel eating a different sort of breakfast while they waited for Sam to come and sit with them.
"So are you still out to get me, Jack?" Daniel asked in a slightly curious way.
Jack looked over Daniel's shoulder to the very beautiful Major that was coming to sit with them. He put his spoon down and stood up from the table,
"Not yet, Danny. I have a promise to keep..."
As Sam arrived at the table he took her hand and started to lead her away
"What promise?" She asked. Jack turned to smile at her.
Daniel watched them walk out of the commissary hand in hand. `Should I book the restaurant first or ask Janet out?' He smiled and returned to his waffles. `I think I'll see Janet First'
Back to Part 1
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