Title: 'Tis the Season
Spoilers: Future season
Pairing: Dan/Jan, Sam/Jack
Summary: 'Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. I'm just borrowing them for some fluffy, holiday fun!
Notes: I think this answers the D/J Christmas challenge and yes, it's pure, total, unadulterated fluff and humor. This is also for Amy, hon, I hope your day (and night) get better. I'm thinking of you and hope this is enough to make you feel a little better! Enjoy and happy holidays!
'Tis the Season
If someone had told Doctor Daniel Jackson to "go to hell" three weeks ago, he would have gladly replied with a "been there, done that." However, if you asked him the same today, the afternoon of Christmas Eve, inside one of Colorado Springs busiest shopping malls, he would have replied with a heartfelt "I'm there right now!"
"Aw, come on Danny, its not that bad."
Daniel raised an eyebrow at Jack's comment as he did a crazy zigzag move to avoid crashing into the matronly looking woman lugging what looked like 10 different bags. Jack, however, was not so lucky. Too busy watching Daniel, he didn't notice the teenager until he'd crashed into her, knocking them both off their feet.
"Hey! Watch where you're going grandpa!"
Daniel couldn't help it. He burst into laughter at the stunned look on his best friend's face as he pink-haired teenager grabbed her bags and took off, without another word. When it looked like Jack was simply going to stand there gaping after the teen, he finally walked over and tugged on the older man's arm.
"Still think it's not that bad, grandpa?" He ignored the thunderous look in Jack's eyes as he dodged the brunt of the not so gentle tap Jack gave his arm.
"Watch who you're calling grandpa, Space Monkey."
It was Daniel's turn to blush and look around furtively, wondering if anyone had heard Jack's rather loud acknowledgement of his nickname. He blushed a bit more as a middle-aged woman gave them both a raised eyebrow before continuing on her way.
"Come on, Jack. We've only got four hours until the party and last I checked, both of us were still without presents for the women in our lives." Daniel smiled as Jack sighed.
"Maybe we should just get 'em gift certificates or something, it's easy-"
Daniel's snort stopped him mid-sentence. "Do you really want to deal with Sam after you hand her nothing more than a gift certificate? I know Janet will be coming after me with even bigger needles than she uses on you if I don't show up with something a little more personal?"
Jack shuddered as he imagined one pissed off Samantha Carter, especially after a few cups of General Hammond's special eggnog. Team her up with an irate, needle wielding Napoleonic power monger and he turned pale.
"Right, then. So where do you suggest because I'm outta options here and we're almost outta time."
Daniel sighed, biting his lip as he looked at the various stores around them. A brightly lit sign halfway down the mall suddenly caught his eye and in typical Daniel fashion, he walked towards it, completely forgetting that anyone else was with him.
"Can't take you anywhere, can I Danny boy?" Jack muttered the words under his breath as he took off after his fast disappearing friend. Really, he hoped the man had a destination in mind because he did not feel like dealing with the avid "day before Christmas" shoppers running rampant throughout this mall. Besides, the 'grandpa' remark was still smarting and he really didn't want to give any other young person a chance to repeat it.
A grin lit up Daniel's face as he reached the entrance. "Talk about perfect!"
Jack had finally caught up with his friend and was trying to decide whether to strangle him until he got a good look at the name of the store they were standing in front of. A huge grin suddenly lit up his face as well.
"Space Monkey, there just might be hope for you yet!" Clapping his hand on Daniel's shoulder, he quickly pushed past his friend and entered the store with a goofy grin on his face. Amused, the archaeologist followed close behind.
"So, what do you think they're getting us this year?"
Janet laughed at her best friend's eager question, even as she shrugged from her position at the island in the center of her kitchen. "I don't know, but knowing Jack and Daniel, I suspect they're still shopping at this moment."
Sam frowned as she nibbled on a carrot while she waited for the water to boil around the potatoes she was cooking. "You know, I'm really not that hard to buy for. Lord knows I've dropped plenty of subtle hints around Jack for the past few weeks-"
"Sweetie, I know you love him and all, but remember who you're talking about. Subtle and Jack O'Neill do not belong in the same sentence."
Sam sighed, then frowned.
"Well, what's Daniel getting you? I'm sure he's got to be a little better at taking a hint than Jack."
Janet choked on the sip of wine she'd just taken. "Need I remind you that it took Daniel two months to pick up on the fact that I was flirting outrageously with him, and another two after that to actually work up the courage to ask me out on a date?"
Sam grinned. "Well, in his defense, we were off world a lot during those two months-"
"You know what I mean, Sam."
The two women looked at each other for a moment, then smiled.
"So again I'll ask, what's Daniel getting you for Christmas?"
Janet sighed, wiping her hands on a towel and heading over to take a chair next to Sam. Reaching for a carrot, she nibbled on it thoughtfully before replying.
"I honestly don't know. We talked a little about gifts for Cassie, and I know what he's getting her, but he really didn't say much more than that."
"You did drop hints, though, right?"
Janet laughed. "Of course, but that leads us back to the statement I just made about Daniel's ability to ignore even the most obvious."
Sam sighed, taking a sip of her wine as she thought about the situation. She shuddered as she imagined the two of them, loose in a mall, completely clueless about what to get them.
"You know, how can two such smart men be so dense when it comes to women and gifts?"
Janet laughed before raising her glass to Sam's. "Beats me, but we love 'em anyhow." She fought her blush as she remembered quite vividly how Daniel had demonstrated just how much he loved her last night.
Sam smiled, thinking of just how "well-loved" Jack had made her feel that morning. Yes, her friend did have a point.
"Well, all I'm going to say is that I won't be held responsible for my actions if he gives me a gift card."
Janet laughed so hard she nearly choked on a piece of carrot. "I promise to come after both of them with the biggest needle in my arsenal if either one presents us with gift cards."
"I'll toast to that!"
Giggling, the two women clinked glasses again before turning back to the meal they were preparing.
"Um, Jack, I think you've got it backwards." Looking slightly embarrassed, Daniel reached out and turned the flimsy garment dangling from the older man's hands.
"I don't even want to know how you know that." Jack muttered the words under his breath, looking at the small blue scrap of material that was barely enough to cover the basics, if that. Then again, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. His mind tried to wrap itself around the image of one Major Samantha Carter wearing such a tiny piece of material. However, he found it much easier to imagine her out of it.
Daniel tried to keep his cheeks from turning redder as he looked wide-eyed around the store. While he was more than familiar with the Victoria's Secret ads from television, actually being inside the store itself was a little daunting. After all, it wasn't like Sha're had much of a need for fancy underwear or whatever it was that a buxom brunette was holding up to her chest and modeling for her obviously appreciative boyfriend.
His eyes widened a bit more as he noted a dark red scrap of silk and lace on the rack across from him. Feeling like a fish out of water, he hesitantly edged closer to the rack, not quite sure what he was looking at, but already trying to picture Janet in such a revealing garment. His eyes flashed as he suddenly felt a little warmer than before.
"Excuse me, can I help you gentlemen?"
Both men started at the pleasant voice, turning to see a middle-aged saleswoman staring at them with a knowing expression.
"Actually, we're just looking."
Jack hoped his answer was gruff enough to make the woman realize they wanted to be left alone. He really did not want to discuss, well, whatever it was he was holding in his hands. Especially not with a woman whom he just knew was laughing at him on the inside.
"Well, if you need any help, feel free to ask. I know it can be a bit overwhelming." The woman could have sworn she heard what sounded like "right, tell that to me after facing down a crazed alien with a snake in its head." Shaking her head, she moved away, deciding they were both better off left on their own.
"Could you have been a little nicer? It is Christmas Eve." Daniel sighed as his friend gave a bark of laughter.
"Right, I suppose you really want to discuss Janet and your need to spice up your sex life with a total stranger?"
"Jack!" he hissed, turning red as he turned to see if anyone had overheard the comment. Seeing that no one was watching, he turned back to his friend with an annoyed look. "What makes you assume Janet and my sex life needs spicing up? Last time I checked, we were well past flaming hot."
"That's my boy!" Jack's amused grin and raised eyebrow alerted Daniel that he'd just been played. He should have expected that, especially since Jack had been trying to get him to discuss his burgeoning relationship with Janet for the past two weeks. Sighing, he decided he might as well go for broke, not to mention, Jack did have a point.
"Well, despite that fact that our sex life is pretty damn amazing, I wouldn't be adverse to knowing how this, thing," he gestured to what looked like nothing more than two scraps of black material, with a strip of leather between them, "is supposed to be every woman's 'sensual fantasy,'" he finished, quoting the tag on the garment.
Jack could only shrug, his attention shifting quickly to the item sitting on the rack directly across from the one Daniel was perusing. Frowning, he moved over to the purple lace mesh body suit, complete with a plume of feathers at a very unusual place.
"Yeah, explain to me why one needs feathers at exactly this place on the body-" An image of just what could be done with the feathers on the garment he held suddenly hit Jack like a blow to the stomach, causing his voice to cut off abruptly.
Daniel would have made a comment, except that his gaze was now focused on a pair of lacy white garters and a silky nightie that were two racks over. Eagerly moving towards them, he found himself imagining how Janet's small, but generous form would fill out the garment. How delicious she would look when he pulled it off her body. He swallowed hard as his pants became uncomfortably tight.
Jack, for his part, was still staring at the purple, feathered outfit. The image of Sam, generous bust pushed into even more prominence by the garment, not to mention the look in her eyes as she beckoned to him across the room, well, it made him feel a whole lot warmer than was probably good in public.
"You know, purple is one of our most popular colors this year."
Jack jumped sky high at the feminine voice that suddenly sounded from over his shoulder. Whirling around, he was unaware that he still clutched the purpled feathered outfit in his hands.
"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you, but you looked curious-"
"No." The denial was a bit more adamant than he might have wanted, although the young teenage sales girl was looking at him with an amused expression. Realizing he still had the feathered outfit in his hands, he quickly turned and shoved it back onto the rack.
"Well," the young woman tried again in a hopeful voice, "If you're looking for something a little more exotic, I could recommend that black thong and the leather strap that goes with it-"
"No!" Jack quickly toned down his voice, fighting hard not to blush as he searched desperately for Daniel. Noting the younger man was immersed in his own interesting outfits, he desperately tried to signal for help. However, Daniel was not paying any attention to his non-verbal cries for help.
"Okay, then, if it makes you uncomfortable we have some simple silk nightgowns over there, some are more mesh lace material, if you like the teasing glimpses they give of-"
"Thank you, but you know, I think I need to look around a little more. But I bet my friend could use your help." He said the last words a tiny bit maliciously, figuring if Daniel wasn't watching his back from curious saleswomen in this store then he deserved to go through the same hell.
"The cute, muscled guy with the adorable glasses over there?" A slight spark of annoyance shot through him at the obvious awe in the salesgirl's expression. He sighed, wondering what it was about Danny that got all the females into this state. Thank goodness his friend was completely clueless to this fact, something he was sure Janet was not complaining about.
"Yeah," he offered wryly, watching as the woman made a beeline for his friend. "Good luck, Danny Boy. You're going to need it." With that, he smiled to himself before heading over to the black lace bra's and panties he'd seen near the front of the store. Maybe they had a sweet little tank top in gray silk.
"Thanks a lot, Jack, you know you sent a piranha my way.," Daniel grouched to his friend as they both left Victoria's Secret, carrying two pink and white stripped bags.
"Hey, you weren't reading my calls for help, I couldn't warn you about her."
Daniel raised an eyebrow, fully aware that his friend was lying through his teeth. He blushed as he remembered the overly flirtatious tone the teen had taken with him. He'd never understand women. Especially teenagers. Cassie was enough for him to deal with on a daily basis, not that he didn't adore her as much as her mother.
"So, you think they'll like what we got 'em?" Jack was feeling a lot better now that he had his gift for Sam in hand. It was amazing how optimistic he felt.
"I hope they'll like them, although, I wonder if they are exactly appropriate for our communal 'gift exchange' tonight." Daniel frowned as he realized he did not necessarily want to give Janet what he'd bought with an audience, including her daughter.
Jack too was imagining what General Hammond would say if he saw the sweet little number he'd purchased for Sam. The General was fine with their relationship as long as it did not affect work and although he knew they had his full support, there were still some things best kept private.
"Probably not, which means," he felt his heart sink, "we're back in the same boat we were an hour ago."
The two men looked at each other wearily before they both sank down onto a bench. For a moment, neither said a word, both lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Jack broke the silence.
"Well, when all else fails, there's only one resort." Turning ruefully to look at his friend, he rose from his seat and sighed.
"And that would be, oh wise one?" Daniel knew his voice was sharper than normal, but he was exhausted and still a little discomfited by the encounter with the eager young salesgirl.
"Follow me, young apprentice, and I will show you the ways of the force." It wasn't, in his opinion, a half bad impression of Obi-Wan Kenobi. He figured Sam, or at least Cassie, would give him points for trying.
Daniel sighed, choosing to ignore Jack's awful impression of Ewan McGregor as he rose and wearily followed his friend back into the maddening mall crowd.
Janet was humming a Christmas carol under her voice when she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her from behind, and a pair of warm lips place a soft kiss on the sensitive spot on the nape of her neck.
"You're back," she almost purred, leaning into his touch, completely forgetting the gravy she was stirring on the stove in front of her.
"You smell good," Daniel whispered, kissing his way across her nape and around to her ear.
"I should hope so, I've been slaving away all afternoon to make your favorite things," she replied, closing her eyes and letting his lips work their magic.
"I've got my 'favorite thing' right here," he husked back, turning her in his arms and claiming her lips in a heated kiss that left her weak in the knees when they finally parted for breath.
"What was that for?" she asked, still trying to remember to breathe. The breathtaking smile on his face however made it nearly impossible.
"Just because I love you, and it's Christmas, and I got you a present you're going to love," he whispered, winking as he leaned down to kiss her again.
"You know, I think the gravy's burning."
Janet jumped at Jack's amused voice, cursing as she turned back to her neglected gravy, which was now issuing a billowing plume of black smoke. "Damn it!" with a few quick whisks, however, she had things back under control, and turned to glare at an amused Jack and a smiling Daniel. "It's not funny, I know for a fact that you both will not be very happy if there's no gravy to go with the meal."
Jack sighed, trying to reign in his amusement. "Sorry, Janet. Have you see Sam?" He knew he sounded like a pathetic little teenager, but he'd been looking for her for the past five minutes.
"She and Cassie ran to the store to pick up a few last minute ingredients for dessert. They should be back any moment. I know she's anxious to know what you got her this year." Janet laughed at the expression on Jack's face. Suddenly, she remembered Daniel's words and turned to eye the man in question with a fearful look.
"So what exactly did you two get up to while you were on your own this afternoon?" The looks they shot each other made her a little nervous.
"That's for us to know and you to find out later," Jack replied with a grin, turning and bolting from the room before she could ask any more questions. Daniel, however, wasn't as lucky, although he really didn't want to be anywhere but in Janet's arms at the moment.
"Daniel, come on, you know you want to tell me," Janet coaxed, wrapping her arms around him and leaning up to plant little kisses along his collarbone, knowing it drove him wild.
Daniel was struggling to hold onto his concentration when all he really wanted to do was drag her upstairs and proceed to present and then dispense with her gift. However, there would be no party if that actually happened, so he had to remain strong.
Still, it couldn't hurt to indulge a little. Leaning down, he tilted her face up to his, giving her another long kiss, feeling his brain turn to mush as she melted against him. No one had ever made him feel the way Janet did and he knew no other woman ever could.
When they finally parted for breath, Janet couldn't even remember what she'd been asking him. Her attempt to remember was suddenly disrupted by the doorbell. Frowning, she looked at her watch, eyes widening as she noted the time.
"Damn! It's already 4 and everyone's coming at 4:30. Go see who it is, okay?" With another quick kiss, she hurried over to the oven, mind already back on the meal she was cooking. Daniel sighed wistfully, but knew there would be plenty of time to ravish her later. With a small smile, he headed from the room to greet their first guests.
On to Part 2