Title- I'm not `me'
Archive- Heliopolis, DJA
Parings- Daniel and Janet
Series/Sequel- I don't know...there might be.
Spoilers- Lifeboat, Absolute Power, Fallen
Content Warning- None that I can think of.
Disclaimer- I don't own them, so don't sue me! If you like I'll even give you the 76p in my pocket for 30 seconds alone with Daniel ;o) Authors Notes- This came to me when I read a review of lifeboat in a magazine...hope you like it.
Feedback- Read me then feed me people! Thanks
I'm Not Me
I feel wrong...I don't know how and I don't know why, but I feel wrong. I told Janet that I don't feel myself and she though it was a pun. After what I have just been through I suppose it could be seen as a joke but I'm not joking. I feel wrong. All these people in my head. All talking at once. With different point of views. Different ways of handling situations. I remember them all. And because of them I am starting to question my point of view and how I handle things and myself.
Everyone keeps referring them to the others inside of me. Talking about the different peoples personalities. But the more I think about these different personalities the more I think of me...does that make me seem self-centred? I remember the boy. They way he looked at everything with a wide eyed child like innocence that I remember having. Not as a child but when I first joined the Stargate programme. Everything amazed me...Jack told me I lost that innocence through out my years at the SGC, but since I've `descended' he's seen that sparkle in my eyes again. It seems I can't remember fully what made me lose it.
Martice, I remember him well. He reminds me, of the `me' that I dreamt of when Shifou was `Teaching' me. The `me' that sometimes creeps out when no one is noticing. I normally manage to bite my tongue and not say anything till I'm in a better mood.
Tryan. He reminds me of what Sam told me I was like when I couldn't remember. When all I had was that tent. The only bit of `me' I can associate with `me' wasn't even me, if you know what I mean? He was so co-operative. So ready to die to save my life. That's how Sam described me that day. So why don't I feel bad that these people dies to save me? Twelve innocent people died to save one little life. In the grand scheme of things that doesn't seem fair. From what I can remember and what I have been told about me; I would do anything I could to make sure every living thing had equal rights; so why am I not more grateful to the memory of the people that saved me? Why do I think more of the woman I am in love with for condemning all theses `souls' to save me? I understand why Janet did it. She was blinded by love. She said as my when I asked her.
The thing that scares me the most is what if these people never left? I know they have left physically or mentally, whatever. But what if the way they think has affected the way I think...so they will always be there, reminding me, that I am not `me' I am them.
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